Learning Patience: A Soft Rebellion Against Urgency

“Be patient with all that is unresolved in your heart…”

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

I used to think patience was passive.

That it meant sitting still while life moved on without me.

That if I didn't push, force, or scramble, everything I needed would disappear.

But what I’ve come to learn ~ slowly, achingly ~ is that patience is not stillness out of helplessness.

It is presence despite discomfort.

It is a powerful act of reparenting the parts of me that were never taught how to wait without fear.

Where the Urgency Comes From

For many of us with histories of anxious attachment or childhood trauma, waiting can feel like torture.

As children, we may have:

• Waited for love that never came

• Held our breath for attention, only to be met with silence or chaos

• Learned that being good, quiet, or useful might earn a drop of safety

So we became adults who hurry.

Who anticipate abandonment before it happens.

Who try to earn peace by controlling outcomes.

But here’s the truth: 

When the nervous system has been wired for survival, waiting doesn’t feel neutral ~ it feels dangerous.  

That’s why learning patience is not just a virtue.

It’s a healing practice.

What Patience Looks Like in Healing

Patience isn’t just about time ~ it’s about trust.

Trust in your process.

Trust in your capacity to stay.

Trust in the unfolding of things.

In my own healing, patience has looked like:

• Sitting with discomfort for five more seconds than I used to

• Letting emotions pass without needing to do anything

• Reassuring my inner child: “You’re not being ignored. I see you. I’m here.”

• Allowing relationships to deepen slowly, without chasing or over-giving

Every time I choose patience over panic, I send a new signal to my body: You are safe now.

Small Ways to Practice Patience

If waiting feels unbearable, start gently. These tiny practices can help rewire your sense of safety:

• When you feel the urge to fix, pause and place a hand over your heart. Ask: “What do I truly need right now?”

• Set a timer for 2 minutes to just sit with discomfort before reacting.

• Journal to your younger self: “I know it’s hard to wait. But I promise, we’re not alone this time.”

• In relationships, practice naming your needs instead of rushing to please: “I need a little time to process this.”

These may sound simple. But for a nervous system that has survived on urgency, they’re revolutionary.

🌼 A Gentle Reminder

Healing doesn’t demand perfection. It asks for presence.

And patience is the thread that holds that presence together.

So if you’re finding it hard to slow down…

If your mind is racing for answers or your heart aches with longing…

Come back to this:

You are not behind. You are becoming.

Let yourself unfold.

✨ Invitation

Take a moment today to notice where impatience shows up and gently ask yourself:

“What am I afraid will happen if I wait?”

That question alone can open the door to so much compassion.

👉 If this resonated with you, explore my Healing Workbooks here